Dear Jacqui

29 April 2009

Dear Jacqui Smith c/o the Home Office,

I thought I'd better send you a little note on some of my recent Internet usage in advance of the creation of the great Panopticon that HM Government plans to assemble with the help of ISPs (BTW, did you know Phorm does the kind of thing you're after? Maybe you should talk to BT about it).

I happened to ask casually on the Internet social-networking system known as Twitter whether the song Crazy Naked Ladies by the popular beat combo Super Furry Animals was an homage to fellow Welsh act Man. You may remember them from the 1970s through songs such as Bananas and Spunk Rock.

It has been drawn to my attention that attempting to look for this information on Google might lead to pages that are inappropriate for any right-thinking adult. So, I thought I'd better get in the habit of warning the forces of law and order lest a search like that be encountered during a fishing expedition for evidence of wrong-doing on my part. I hope you understand.

Maybe I should keep a thought-crime diary just to be on the safe side.

On a side note, did you know there are people who offer Internet services via satellite? I'm guessing they are outside UK jurisdiction. Maybe you should make use of their services illegal in the UK in case naughty people realise there is a way to avoid having their online access recorded in perpetuity. Just a thought.


A good party member


Very original, and funny. You really should be writing for Private Eye. Maybe you do already :-)

Thanks. Flattery will, of course, get you everywhere.